When I was looking into writing this story, I started thinking about what it would be like to fight these enemies in a giant war. Survival would be my goal and surpassing these various beasts would be extremely difficult (even impossible). Here’s how I would try to take these beasts down.

Dragons (Skyrim)

Fighting Dragons in Skryim isn’t usually a big deal because my character is a boss like that. In real life though, this really wouldn’t be so cool. My skin’s preferred state is 98.6 degrees and being digested by a system that involves fire seems like a seriously painful way to go. And that’s if it doesn’t rip you in half with its jaws and break every bone in your body with a simple swipe of its tail. I mean, I could get lucky and shoot out an eye or something, but that would most likely piss the dragon off and result in me getting way to close to the fire breathing. Dragons also usually seem pretty intelligent in movies and video games.

I’d much rather pet or ride one than try and mess with one.

The Flood (Halo series)

You could send me in with a platoon of Spartan Soldiers, Masterchief clones and I still wouldn’t want anything near these vile beings. I mean, on the plus side, at least the smaller Flood parasites have the decency to not impregnate you with a mini-me every time they latch onto your face. On the down side though, they’re still trying to eat it. Parasites in real life freak me out and going up against one that can wipe out entire civilizations sounds awful. Sign me up for the firing squad, it’ll be quick and painless when compared to dealing with those things.

Chimera (Resistance series)

I’m not going to lie, this almost made the list only because I had so much fun killing them. Does it help that I was an infected, self sustaining, super human soldier while doing it? You bet. So what about the real me? I wouldn’t stand a chance. The Chimera are creepy looking things, especially with chompers like those ones. And those crazy guns they shoot? I don’t even want to know what that’d feel like. Also, they’re trying to wipe out humanity with a combination of war and infection that turns humans into chimera…so that always sucks.

Murdering all of us was taking too long, so getting the planet into a forced ice age was the Chimera’s solution. Really? Now, my only choice must be to destroy them.  I’m Canadian, I like the winter and free outdoor hockey, but that doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy warm weather.

 Zombies (almost every video game in the last few years)

Ok, so they’re easy to kill (Nazi Zombies anyone?) unless you count the super fast zombies in movies like 28 Days Later or the rage virus in some Resident Evil titles. Those would be almost impossible to succesfully take down. But hey, zombies don’t carry projectile weapons, so it leaves them at a serious disadvantage. I’d be all for coming up against them, but only if I had ranged weapons of my own.

Melee weapons leave too much chance to be infected by a rogue blood splatter. I don’t want a strange disease somehow finding it’s way into my system and causing me to take the one way track to brain munching station. Also, I would hate to come up against a Witch (from Left 4 Dead).  Those evil creatures  freaked me out and they never had the decency to die nicely or in a timely fashion.

Ceph (Crysis series)

Playing Crysis shows me pretty clearly that the Ceph are way too fast moving and tough for me to mess up easily. Their armour is extremely advanced and I highly doubt that bullets from my cheaply made, mass produced weapon are going to even make a dent. I also would rather not be burned by whatever plasma they’d be shooting my way. And don’t forget the Spore, they’re fatal with even limited contact.  Plus, I feel sort of bad for them, given that if someone was trying to exterminate my race, I’d be totally obliged to kick their asses just because of that.

Geth (Mass Effect series)

I’m a big fan of the Mass Effect universe and if you’ve ever played any of the games in the series, you’ll already know why no one likes the Geth. They’re mechanical and they don’t feel hunger or pain (due to their neural network). If you lose a battle to the Geth, they turn you into a husk, a terribly creepy zombie-like being. I doubt that bullets are going to be of much use unless shot in a  super high quantity, so I won’t have many friends for long. I’d much rather fight something I know can at least bleed, it’s much more psychologically satisfying that way.


Locust (Gears Of War series)

I chose the Locusts for a number of reasons, but mainly because I know it’s not that easy to kill them. I’m assuming  that I’ll be primarily encountering grunts, and considering they’re invading I assume that their world-eating worms will be out of the picture. Judging by the size of the magazines for a Lancer and the size of the bullets, plus the ammount of ammo and the rate of fire, it takes some serious firepower to stop one.

Sure, their hides are thick, but good old fashioned shotgun rounds can still rip them appart. Conventional weapons, especially something as simple as a sawed off shotgun, often gets the job done. Seeing as a shotgun is available to purchase everywhere, my survival odds are raised. Also if you’ve got the strength or momentum you can pierce their extremely strong hide. I doubt they’re going to be handing out chainsaws, however, so at least I’ll have some method of destroying them. I’d much rather have a large calibre weapon though.

So…what other horrifying enemies should also make this list?

Image Source: Giant Bomb (Geth), WCCF Tech (Locust) GGS Gamer (Chimera)


  1. Oh hey! No Sephiroth?

  2. Brad says:

    The Deathclaw from Fallout

Leave a Reply